A pound of love

aka Proper Pound Cake for People Who Practically Never Bake

I don’t break out the baking skills often.  It’s likely the reason I like doing it.  When I do, it’s a well-tried simple, foolproof recipe. Still even the simplest bake goods get rave reviews if you actually make them from scratch.  People who only visit kitchen to inspect the refrigerator contents regard you as a master alchemist and magician.  Little kids worship you and believe everything you say.  It’s quite gratifying, really.

I don’t have much of a sweet tooth which is another reason my house rarely smells like cake and cookies.  However, even I get excited for certain deserts during the holidays.  My favorite desert of all time is probably pound cake.  (I say probably, because I’m notoriously fickle about my favorites.  I had a decadent warm chocolate fudge cake once that dripped with ganache and was so good, I’d have considered selling my mother and damn near forgot my own name.  So, this favorites thing is all relative.)

Speaking of relative, the pound cake to which I refer is my Aunt Rita’s. Rita makes pound cake the proper way:  a pound of flour, pound of sugar, pound of butter, pound of eggs.  Some people mix up some yellow cake batter and parade the result around as pound cake.  That my friends, is a crime against cake, and should be against culinary law.  Call it cake if you want, but don’t tempt me with the promise of pound cake and serve me angel cake or yellow cake like I won’t know the difference.  I will my friend and trust me, I will remember. Next year you’ll get the Kentucky Fried Christmas Chicken instead of the turkey. What? It’s poultry.

I have a friend, an excellent cook and a far better-than fair baker who knows of my love for the pound cake.  In deference to me she occasionally makes pound cake for the events that she caters where a desert is on the menu.  Because she serves food that is health conscious as well as tasty , she has a modified, light recipe that she uses that’s slightly less likely to make you gain weight just by looking at it.  It’s a truly delicious and very popular variation and she makes it a few times a year.  She swears that it’s actually better than the traditional version which she has deemed as too rich.

I must say that I’m truly blessed to have such a talented friend who bakes me treats simply because it’s Tuesday and she loves me. Hardly a luckier girl exists and I adore her more than I can say.  So trust me that it is with an absolute lack of malice and not at all in the spirit of being an ungrateful wench that I state categorically that my friend is delusional and out of her freakin’ mind.

“Light” pound cake will never be superior to pound cake.  The sun does not rise in the west and set in the east. Fish do not live in the sky and birds do not live in the sea. Bears do not crap in toilets.  There are laws and rules and some things just ain’t changing.  Pound cake needs a pound of stuff.  Call it love if you want.  Just so long as you put it in the cake.

In that spirit since I’m feel all loving this year with the easy gifts, I bring you my recipe for pound cake.  It’s pretty simple, and I’m sure it’s nearly identical to any number of recipes. (Once you’ve got the whole pound thing memorized, there’s not much else to do, really.) Normally I’m the type of person who writes recipes that say things like “cook until done”. However,  I’ve annotated the instructions a bit for those who prefer some details in their instructions.  I got this from my Aunt and scribbled it down in the back of my cookbook.  I made one minor adjustment to her recipe.  As my friend wasn’t completely off base about the richness of the cake (still delusional, though not entirely wrong,) I added more flour.  Note I’m not taking anything away here, I’m adding.  So you’ve got a pound and a half of flour.  Yep, I bring the good gifts.  Actually, strictly speaking, I think you’re supposed to measure the flour, sugar and butter by weight and the eggs by volume to get your proper pounds.  This might account for the more flour bit.  I must be honest, as I’m not a baker by nature, I’m not that precise. That’s what a telephone and an Aunt who bakes is for.  I used a measuring cup and things turned out fine.  I’ve got photographic proof that it at least looks nice.  The fact that it got raided before it was even done cooling helps my argument at bit as well.  Pound cake is an easy and forgiving cake.  Pound cake loves you.

A note about flavorings and calories.  This is not a diet cake.  It’s high in sugar, fat and probably cholesterol.  That’s why it tastes good.  I suppose you could spice up your cake with a few extras.  Lemon and poppy seeds seem to be popular additions.  I find this is gilding the lily, but it’s your party.  Knock yourself out.

Proper Pound Cake for People Who Practically Never Bake (eat with friends and family you actually like)
annotated version for city folk, people without a good cookbook, scale or measurement converter and anyone else who has no idea how many eggs make up a pound.  Yields 1 bundt-sized cake or two loaves. I didn’t measure the sizes, but whatever you’ve got will probably work if it looks cake-sized.

Ingredients:
1.5 lb  flour (3 cups)
They say use sifted flour but unless you’re grinding your own or it’s been sitting in your pantry so long you forgot when you bought it, I wouldn’t sweat it.  Modern commercial flour is sifted well enough.
1 lb sugar (2 cups)
1 lb butter, room temperature
The big stick is a pound,  2 cups if you have to measure it.  I’ll talk about the room temperature later.
1 lb eggs (6 eggs)
Technically, I think they are supposed to be large, but I just use whatever I’ve got on hand.  If you’ve got the super extra jumbo eggs from mutant chickens, cut the number to 5. These should be room temperature too.
1 tablespoon vanilla
I use 2 tbsps.  I like vanilla.
1/2 cup milk
Buttermilk if you have it.  Whole milk is better than skim. That said, I usually use skim because that’s what I drink. Old milk is great, as long as it hasn’t actually curdled.  (Seriously, why are you holding onto the bad milk?)
1 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon  Baking Soda
(I’m sure you know this, but just in case, I’ll say it anyway, baking soda and baking powder are different so don’t mix that up.  I don’t know what happens if you do, but I hear bad things happen.)
1/2 teaspoon salt

Instructions:
For normal altitude baking. If you live at a high altitude, you’re probably used to adapting instructions and you’ll know what to do better than I will.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
Yes, that’s fahrenheit.  It’s pound cake.  Were you expecting metric?

Butter and flour the pan. I line the bottom of the pan with wax paper first.
Use Pam or some other cooking spray if you must, just never let me catch you doing that.

In a small bowl, blend the flour, baking soda and powder, and salt so that the ingredients are evenly distributed.
The bowl size is not remotely important here. Instructions always say ’small bowl’ when they mean you just need a place to put the stuff, no vigorous blending is required.

In large bowl, (vigorous blending ahead, make it large enough so things don’t spill over the sides) cream (mix) the butter and the sugar.  A mixer is handy here but it may be easier to get started with a plain ol’ spoon. It will look grainy at first.  It gets creamier eventually.
This is why it’s important that the butter be room temperature, because cold or frozen butter just doesn’t stir. In fact, if the butter and eggs are too cold your batter will curdle a bit (that is if you can even break the butter down).  I looked this up because as I frequently bake on a whim, I don’t often have room temperature butter and eggs handy.  I wanted to know why I couldn’t just melt the butter and stir it in for one thing.  Turns out melted butter is too warm and won’t whip into a fluffy batter.  Too hot or too cold somehow add up to the same defect. Your cake will be a bit denser than most gourmands might prefer. The good news is, as I said, pound cake is forgiving.  Any minor curdling or leaden batter will all even out as you add the flour.  So if you want a great cake, cream the butter properly. I’ve learned waiting for room temperature ingredients is worth it. If you want a good enough cake now and damn the torpedoes, if you nuke the butter into submission nothing will blow up.

Add the eggs to the creamed mixture one by one incorporating each into the mixture before adding the next. And the vanilla, milk and whatever flavorings you may be adding now. If you’re adding poppy seeds, you’re on your own. Other than on bagels and planting actual flowers I don’t like them much so I have no clue what you do with them here.

When ingredients are well blended, start adding the dry ingredients.  If you are not using a mixer, you’ll start to wish you were about now.  If buying one isn’t an option, counting helps.  Mix until all the ingredients are thoroughly blended.  Be sure to scrape down the bowl sides as you mix.
This is where people tell you not to overblend, because that will make your batter and consequently your cake too tough.  I have no idea how you avoid overblending, except to say stop when the ingredients are completely blended.  Of course, make sure the ingredients are completely blended, so you don’t get air pockets in the batter and holes in your cake.  This is why I don’t bake often.

Pour your carefully blended ingredients into your greased and floured pan. Bake for about an hour and twenty minutes.  I was told never to run around the house or drop anything during this time or else the cake might fall.  I don’t know if this is true or not.  I suspect the adults just wanted us to sit still.

I check at 1:15.  The cake should be a nice golden brown.  Stick a wooden skewer in the center.  If it comes out clean you’re done.  If not, put it back and check again later.  If it starts pulling away completely from the sides of the pan, you’ve cooked it too long, so be sure to check.    Eat your cake.  Walk the dog for an extra half hour in penance.  Or not.  I don’t feel much guilt myself.